We've been long distance from the beginning for the past 9 months. How the fuck did you survive that? Experiencing things that you don’t want makes you clear about what you do want. It's important to remember: "this too shall pass; it's just a bad season in your relationship" (disclaimer: in many cases, it will pass provided you work to make it pass). I think a combo of one and two, honestly. A place for women redditors aged 30 and over to discuss questions in a loosely moderated setting. We've had a rough patch a couple years ago. I made a suggestion for the date and that was to go to a store we both love and pick out some things for our bedroom. A relationship can either bring out the best or the worst in us. Tell me about your rough patches. My plan is to move to his city once I graduate, as he'll still have a semester or two left. We used to be so imaginative. Now, a lot of that is to come from your SO. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Every relationship hits rough patches – those times when you can’t seem to ease tensions. For the rut, I would suggest doing different things both together and separately. But what are some rough patches your relationship made it through? Because I'm not leaving and neither is he. I am more than a brain. In your situation I think I would try to get out and have fun myself instead of hoping he will provide it. Or going for ice cream. This breakdown is tremendous. ... we carefully read through and analyzed some psychological studies and gathered a list of 11 rules of long-lasting love. That is how he displays his love for me by supporting me in my career. Well, in a recent Reddit AskWomen thread, ladies share how they came out of the rough patches in their relationships. I’ve been doing some soul-searching and realizing that I have absolutely been sucking him dry. Unemployment. Try living a full life without him always having to join in (and encourage the same for him). Edit : I have a tendency to do this, too - and work hard to avoid it. A case for working through the hard times in all kinds of relationships. They have great books too. About a year into our relationship my husband (then boyfriend) lost his father to suicide. A good reason why your relationship has hit a rough patch is because both of you are not working towards the same goals. Remove "every" "nothing". I want him to put some effort into planning. Just whenever I am about to say something negative just stop. We struggled with casual drug use. So many posts about things not working out and advice that's "move on". ” To say that love tests our limits, exposes and challenges us is an understatement. So long as you set solid rules, there's no reason a romantic relationship can't work. Is this just a rough patch you need to get through together? It helped a bit. A new car and a trip and a house and a child and whatever can only momentarily distract you from this infernal hunger. We had a lot of stressors (a parent's cancer, severe depression, long term unemployment of the solo breadwinner, financial issues among others, all simultaneously) and eventually it got to us. My wife couldn't handle it and decided to leave. When a new relationship is struggling, it’s not always easy to figure out what to do. Congratulations to both of you for how much love you are able to share. If you and your partner seem to do this equally, and move on quickly, your relationship is built to last. Thank you for sharing with me. You telling him exactly what you need is just filling a bucket with a giant hole in the bottom. I took that off the table once we had a kid (unless shit gets incredibly bad). Basically, everyone has different ways on how they express love. Here are some things only a truly loyal partner will do during a rough patch in your relationship, according to experts. I think he wants to love you good but feels lost. Shutterstock There's stress going on outside of the relationship. I’m hurting him. Death of a child. Thank you so much /u/chocobean. I am depending on him too much to fulfill my needs and I’m also not setting some boundaries with other situations that are taking up too much of my time and energy. Some are two prong. His dread is real that it's a sisphean task. Willing to work because leaving wasn't on the menu. There is a middle ground, but dont expect your partner to totally change how they express love. He believes in me and believes in my dreams. Thank you for this super thorough advice. My life is really full with work and passion projects but maybe he does feel the pressure of me relying on him for my ultimate happiness. (Rough patch.) Rough patches are a failure … I suggested wrapping a project he had been working on in the house together, studying for GMAT, a fun date or special time for the two of us and some other responsibilities around the house. She was diagnosed with cancer a few months after and it really helped us grow up. If he doesn't follow it he's not as committed as you might hope. Be thankful verbally, and often. Identify Bad Behavior. Every relationship goes through rough patches, but these 9 signs tell couples therapists that you can get through them. That's rough. Replace with "this time/for just one minute". I get out with girlfriends about twice a month. Even if you do nothing else, work on being honest with your speech and thoughts. Then, you have shared adventures and life sometimes, but fulfill yourself outside of him. I thought that we could work together to create a warm and intimate environment in our bedroom. And I just wonder if I’m just asking for too much and am hard to deal with. I help him with the things that he’s passionate about, like his house projects, and work to find opportunities for him to do the things that he likes, like woodworking and pottery classes. Take out "I always/you never" right now. I’m not perfect, but I’m trying. Currently doing long distance. We try to really listen to the other person when there's hurt. One of the best ways to help yourself through these times is to make a conscious effort to focus on the positive. Compliment him. Especially when doing something together, don't criticize him. Just do little nice things as often as you think about the stress, do a nice thing instead of worry. With the boring meals at home... any chance you can pick some slightly more indulgent recipes and make them together? What a healthy relationship timeline is supposed to look like. We've had a rough patch a couple years ago. He sees me as nagging. When you are about to say something negative, stop and ask yourself if this is actually helpful or if it would be better to let this one go. So I spent about a year trying everything I could and over time things improved. We got to see how each other are in difficult times. Replace with "one/two/three". Have you also listened and attended to his needs? He's brought it to my attention for the third time, that when I leave he gets really confused about our relationship. He tries so hard to love me and make me happy. I wish I'd known about this book before my last relationship ended 2 yrs ago. They would read a couple of chapters then discuss it, plus I think it includes "discussion topics". Here's Advice for Powering Through - Happify Daily 1. If not, why not? I can and will work on not criticizing him so much. There is literally nothing more important to do than nurture your relationship. I describe people as plugs. This quiz helps with methods of expressing love for each other. My husband and I like to cuddle, share a laptop, and look at houses or laugh together while browsing memes. How did you deal with the bipolar? So surviving several rough patches in my second marriage has felt very empowering. Thank you. I got open heart surgery. We struggled with matching our housekeeping, a lot. I can’t get by on just his love of helping me study or his willingness to attend community meetings with me. Some of the things you've posted: you sound like my SO and your SO sounds like me. Maybe they were initiated by that trauma, who knows. That was fucking rough, and I am very thankful to my wife for being so patient and standing by me through all of that.