My 5 year old daughter is STILL not potty trained, and is now missing her first year of school because the district will not accept any children who are not 100% potty trained. I have been trying to potty train him since he was 3, but he just doesn't listen. Set a timer to remind both of you. Resistance or refusal is a common type of power struggle that delays toilet training, and it usually results from aggressive toilet-training methods like forcing your child to sit on the toilet until he goes potty or punishing him for accidents. The other person had a 14 year old and 4 year old...i said no. 9. If your child is wet, she can probably change into dry clothes by herself. Keep an extra set of clean underwear at the school or with the day care provider. It is yet to be seen how well this will work but I thought I would pass it along for you to try. The doctor told us at 3 not to worry, she would get a hang of it....told us some ideas at 4, but said not to she's 5 and already back a year in school because of this. Remind your child to change his clothes if he wets or soils himself. 3. 4) If you did lid down, then move to lid up. Night time potty training. We've talked endlessly to her...tried being serious, tried making it fun, tried from every angle. We took him to preschool when he was 4 years old (part time). We've been trying to potty train for several years, and I'm starting to lose faith that she will ever be completely trained. Our content is doctor approved and evidence based, and our community is moderated, lively, and welcoming. Reminders are a form of pressure, and pressure keeps the power struggle going. I've heard you're not supposed to use them until potty training is very well established. Pelvic health isn't something most of us learned about, and it is key to a sense of well-being and function. My 5 year old boy has been having daytime wetting accidents for nearly a year and we feel like we've exhausted the interventions of timed bathroom breaks and clearing out any bowel compaction. If your child cannot begin to master a step within about one week, then back it up and find an intermediate step. I have twin girls that have just turned 4. Is willing to go to toilet when asked but usually nothing happens even if we sit and read a million books. Well, DD (dear daughter) saw all the great things DS (dear son) was getting for doing this. delayed boy is still in pull-ups at night. He always pees in the potty, unless he poops in his pants, then he just goes ahead and pees on himself. More practice runs (such as you used in toilet training) will not help. • Tax ID: 46-4347971, About BPN • Contact BPN • Credits • Terms of Use, Connecting Bay Area families online since 1993, Daycares & Preschools with Current Openings, Parent Classes, Workshops & Groups with Openings, Advice about Classes, Camps, Groups, & Tutors, Pediatric urologist for 5yo's daily wetting accidents, 5 year old still resisting potty training, Potty training tips for a dev. Beth. could go by and she would continue to have a deep anxiety about it, and refuse to ever even approach it. In addition, give positive feedback, such as praise and hugs every time your child uses the toilet. Going every 15 minutes doesn't work. If you would like to use our commodes, let me know and I am happy to give/lend them to you. Monica, I wrote a few months ago about my 5 year old (see 6-year-old will only poop in a pull-up , Post by Linda) I thought I would let you know that it has worked and he is now pretty much potty- trained. These children can be helped with the following suggestions. Close Parenting Toddlers (1-5) Community 3.37k Members my 4.5 year old is not potty trained ... to be working. The baby steps can vary from child to child, but the basic principles remains the same - make it small enough so that the child is successful, reward the success with something small, and refrain from moving to a new step until the current one is second nature (usually a good 2 weeks of consistent success). (cognitive) This has been a challange for me because sometimes i feel he's almost got it then he stops letting us know he needs to go and poops in his pullups, and hides when doing it. She made a chart with stickers and after doing well every day during the week he got a special outing just for him on Friday. That's fine with him - he says no more diapers, but pullups are fine with him. Call it luck - but it worked for me! Thank you! anon, Berkeley Parents Network, based in Berkeley, California, is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit network for parents in the San Francisco Bay Area. If you want a breakthrough, make your child an offer she can't refuse (such as going somewhere special). Can anyone recommend a pediatric urologist or other medical expert for daytime wetting? I know one of the hardest things for me was that I felt like we were the only family around having this problem. I know its not easy. He also has to stand in the corner for 5 mins c/ he knows what he did was wrong. Give incentives for using the toilet. Don't accompany your child into the bathroom or stand with her by the potty chair unless she asks you to. Many parents make these mistakes, especially if they have a strong-willed child. First off, there is nothing wriong with my daughter, in fact she is quite bright, as she can read, write, add, subtract, etc. We also stopped asking/telling/pleading with her to go. If your 3-year-old wets herself twice this week after being dry for eight months, that’s what I call a “bump in the road” — not true regression. Just so you know, we may earn a commission if you buy something we've linked to here. If your child holds back BMs and becomes constipated, medicines will also be needed.1. He wakes up with a dry diaper every night, but refuses to sit on the potty in the morning. This is an otherwise very bright, sensitive, and creative little boy who is well-liked at preschool. My mom, who works at a school, says she's never seen a child so resistent to this, and is completely out of ideas, and doesn't know what to do. My friend did this for her son that cried every morning before kindergarten and after a few weeks he only cries every once in awhile. Learning how to potty train a stubborn 4 year old boy or a stubborn toddler can seem a little bit cruel, but when push comes to shove it has to get done.. The only problem is she could not care less about using the potty. This gives her a convenient visual reminder about her options whenever she feels the need to go to the bathroom. 1. A reward chart for potty training will be most effective if a child is rewarded for each success and also has long-term goals for a larger reward. Then remind her "they don't like poop or pee on them." My oldest son I took to the store and let him pick out big boy undies and told him he had to use the potty and been good ever since. My son would wait to poop when he got home anyhow. Any child who is over 3 years old, healthy, and not toilet trained after several months of trying can be assumed to be resistant to the process rather than undertrained. Even if your child wets the underwear, persist with this plan. teacher was willing to work on the toileting. anon, I have no idea whether this would work but is it possible that having him clean up his mess (without humiliating or shaming him) might help? Feel free to contact me if you want to talk about it. I feel like I'm failing him some way. Good luck. *We have also been trying to tell her that 4 yr old kindergarten will not let her come to school until she goes to the potty ALL of the time. Have her place a star on it every time she uses the toilet. Transfer all responsibility to your child. He was 3 at the time. BabyCenter may earn a commission from shopping links. Or at least before kindergarten! I'm talking wheedling, begging, bribing, the works. For the fastest help on, the most helpful and trustworthy pregnancy and parenting information. Make the potty chair convenient.Be sure to keep the potty chair in the room your child usually plays in. In fact, he once was laying back, hands clasped behind his head and commented that he ''finds it so relaxing'' to be changed!! Thanks for any advice or insights you may have. To back off of the struggle for control you need to wash your hands of it. For some children, pooping on the potty is, for unknown reasons, terrifying. We've been steadily, patiently, and calmly working with him to use the potty since January. Just ignore it and she'll do it when she's ready. (There is no TV in either room so she has to entertain herself.) It takes a while before they can be "left to their own devices" so to speak. Got tired of cleaning pee off the carpet. Her kids are smart, fantastic kids. My DD (dear daughter) 02-21-05 would never deficate in the loo either. I just think that genetically (what do I know, though) that they didn't have the muscles to do it. I wonder if she could get my DS (dear son) to stop having pee pee accidents? Ask the preschool or day care staff to use the same strategy. and will sit and go, but those times are rare. Your child needs you to be her ally. For example, what if he had to clean himself or take a bath each and every time he pooped anywhere but the potty? Linda, Could anyone give me some advise as to how i can potty train my 4 year old. I don't believe she afraid of the toilet. My advice is to let them decide. She speculated the kid was a wee bit anxious but got over it quickly once the incentive was in place. I need my son fully potty trained by August 14. She had gone back to pull ups during all of this. Will it ever happen? We have tried all kinds of incentives (candy, toys, outings, etc.) People keep saying he'll get it when he's ready, but I'm not convinced. I know I felt like I was the only one whose kid wouldn't toilet train. Has the Dr. checked her over for problems? Put panties on during the day, and take her to the potty every 30-45 minutes. It would be an awful weekend or evening for you but maybe he's got it too easy. A few have been spanked or punished in other ways for not cooperating. He must go to Kindergarten in July, so time is running out. Do you maybe have someone around your LO (little one) age that is training and goes that yours can see? Letting her walk around with pee or poop in her pants (the doctors idea) doesn't work. It seemed to work pretty well for her and she had earned back two rooms until today when she pooped in her pants while we were out for a walk. Have made him clean himself - doesn't seem to phase him too much. Communities > Parenting Toddlers (1-5) > my 4.5 year old is not potty trained. The reason is that they’re much less comfortable for your child – they’ll feel the wetness and they’ll hate it! Here are five ways to help children who are not potty trained: Don't Stress. Three days into it (and doing good) she had two nights in a row where she wet the bed. Don't remind her even if she's squirming and dancing to hold back the urine. The following information will help you get a good idea about potty training and at what age you should be worried. On successful days consider taking 20 extra minutes to play a special game with your child or take her to her favorite playground. One potty trained completelyby 4 and the other stil in pull ups with zero interest and even alot of upset and resistance built up. That was the youngest by a year for her. Remember to give two weeks with each step and reward success. Don't remind her to go to the bathroom or ask her if she needs to go. However, for the pooping our dev. No matter how annoying it is, you need to let her make the decisions on peeing in the potty. Top in the field & a genuinely nice person. Have one last talk with him about the subject. A 3-year-old will be able to tell you what types of incentives she would like to work toward with her potty chart. If she knows the concept of days you could tell her she gets to go to (Chuckie Cheese, McDonalds, whatever) every Friday or every 3rd day of being dry or whatever. This one is from a string:  here's the basics of it: Your son likes this battle and the chance to control his parents. If your child is soiled, she will probably need your help with cleanup. Only a slight accident every now and them. I'd love some responses from parents of later potty trainers about what worked for them finally and I'd love some reassurance that it will happen soon (hopefully) from somebody who's been there. It is estimated that at least 25% of children aren't fully potty trained until they are 3 1/2 or 4 years old. US actress Kristen Bell arrives for Disney's World Premiere of "Frozen 2" at the Dolby theatre in Hollywood on November 7, 2019. I can't believe on a potty chat blog but here ds (dear son) is 4 yrs old. Pressure will only delay successful training, and it could cause secondary emotional problems. I suggest the following steps: 1) Have him go into the bathroom while he is pooping. Preventing stool-holding is very important. Has anyone else had an experience with a 5-year-old boy who is partially potty-trained, but still resists using a regular toilet (insists on using only the ''little potty'') and insists on going #2 in his pants? She would get hysterical when she needed to go and would beg for a nappy as she didn't want to use the potty. I took her to the DR. and she again had another UTI. Lindy, Yes, we experienced a version of the problem you are having with your son. Excuse me while I have a deja vu moment. Anon, Hi there, This is what happened with my son. We've basically completed the training and ditched the pull-ups completely as of one week ago but have had not one success. My son is 5 years old and not potty trained completely. 8. You are passing a message to a BabyCenter staff member. Pretend you're not worried about this subject. So if we forget to take him or ask, he just goes. Buy yourself the book "Below Your Belt, How to be Queen of your Pelvic Region," by Lavender and Ihm -- a pelvic health handbook for girls, published by the Women's Health Foundation. I had this same problem w/ my 5 yr old. I am turning here for ANY advice, thoughts, ANYTHING!! I've tried everything from stoic silence, nonchalant chattiness, outright bribery , gentle pleading (and not so gentle pleading) reminding him to ''listen to his body'', asking him at possibly productive moments if he has to go, potty chart stickers and peepee targets, and nothing seems to work. Your child will decide to use the toilet only after he realizes that he has nothing left to resist. Anyway, let me know if you'd like to email/talk. I would be interested to know how others may have resolved these stubborn cases, and how they managed to keep their own sanity in the mean time. He just could care less. 2) Have him touch the toilet while he is pooping. If potty training at night is still not working no matter what you do, cloth diapers may be a game changer. Alternatively, if your son WANTS to wear big boy pants but never makes it to the potty, I think the only thing you can do is take him every half hour or so. 6. Good luck and let me know how things progress and any ideas you might have! We have a five year old child with a significant developmental delay. Was not pee pee accidents she knows what it would be so uncomfortable if she rolls... Despair around this issue left to resist stay motivated being healthy again we potty... Soiled, she will eventually decide to go to the potty it, to lessen the anxiety for! Sit on the potty every 30-45 minutes it belongs to him doctors idea does! 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Are a form of pressure, and did it more our commodes, me... In them and they think they can let go while wearing them ''! … potty training, but she almost always has bowel movements in the potty, might... Is the last kid in her pants. sensory processing problems and the stil! Going out to play a special game with your son needs to go to Kindergarten in,..., delivered via email, our son will respond to just asked the kid was game. As reminders and it was enough for my son he did was wrong it when has!